Curtain Call
by Len12354
Summary: Sirius contemplates the fateful night, so many years past, remembering his brother and fellow marauder: James. During PoA one shot fic.


**_Curtain Call_**

The great black dog hid beneath a bench that sat beside a park. The night was dark and cold, the sinister grey clouds above masking any light that would have otherwise been there. It was pouring rain, and in spite of his great black shaggy fur, he was freezing. The rain had not seemed to slow in the slightest, and it had been pouring with the same consistency since the previous night. The bench sheltered the Animagus somewhat from the icy water that fell from the dark skies above, but could not shield him from the chilled air which permeated all. He allowed himself a small whine as he curled up in a ball in a vain attempt to keep himself warm.

At the moment, it all felt so hopeless. He had always been a fighter before, but there was one very important difference: he had always won before. Now, James and Lily dead for twelve years, he had failed, and failed horribly. He had failed James, failed Lily, failed Remus, failed Harry… Sirius knew the list could go on and on, and even more importantly, he had failed himself. He should have known that Peter was the spy. Peter always had gone for the bigger person to take care of him; Sirius should have realized that Peter would never last. With a snort of disgust, he wondered how the coward had made it into Gryffindor at all.

His disgust quickly turned to grief, however, as the rain could not help but bring him back to the fateful night that all had gone wrong. He remembered the horror he had felt upon arriving and James' house and finding not but charred ruins and ash… upon finding his body… cold and dead… his usually mischievous hazel eyes blank and unseeing into the dark night. How after he had moved to the next room, and seen Lily in the same manner. Losing two of his best friends in one night had been torture.

The memories of all they had done together had rushed back at him, and things he had never said to them, and things he would now never say to them tore at his mind. Now, all he could say was he was sorry… and that did not cut it anymore. Because they were dead, and it was all Sirius' fault and he knew it. He had always thought that they would be last to go, had not thought it possible for them to truly die. He had not wanted to believe it at first. It was so strange the way things had turned out to be.

He shook his head, attempting to clear out the anguish filled thoughts that surrounded him, making the icy night seem even colder. The rain continued to come down hard, and he slunk out from beneath the bench and raised his head to the night sky and howled. He allowed the rain to come over his face, rolling off in great droplets that mixed with his tears. He soon did not know the difference; the tears and the rain came in the same consistency.

Sirius would not fail his friends again. He had escaped from Azkaban for one purpose: kill Peter and save Harry. He would not allow himself to make the same mistake as before; he would not fail Harry, the last living reminder of James and Lily. He bowed his head, the thoughts overcoming his mind as he remembered the last time he had seen Harry… the last time he had seen his friends. The fateful night that had changed all.

_flashback_

Sirius paused in his slow gait away from the house, surprised he had found the strength to leave the home of his friends' in the first place. Or at least, away from what had once been a home. _What had once been the house of my best friends_. Now, there was naught but charred ruins, ash and memories. _Come to think of it, charred memories as well_. Sirius shook his head. He had to… _to do what_? He asked himself. To avenge James' and Lily's death? Yes. To kill Peter. He felt something wet hit his face, mingling with the tears that streaked his face. It was raining. _Tears,_ thought Sirius. _Tears of God? Tears of the Truth?_ Sirius smiled mirthlessly… _Tears? No… just… rain._

The grief was too much for him. He lost his composure as he walked past a forest which reminded him strongly of the Forbidden Forest… which reminded him of Hogwarts. When times were simpler. _When James was alive… when Lily was alive…_

"_JAMES!" _cried Sirius abruptly into the black night, unable to take the sorrow any longer. It was choking him… suffocating him. He had no where to turn to now. Setting his jaw, he struggled to swallow the sobs which desperately threatened to come out. The night, no longer comforting him as it once did, now felt empty and cold. He gazed up into the dark heavens above and cried out his friends' name again. He fell to the ground sobbing and lamenting his friends' death. _This can't be happening! This can't! _He turned and ran back to the house, unable to stop himself. He found James' body the way he had left it. He shook James' body desperately, begging for his friend to wake up.

He shook the body again, "James… Prongs… please you have to wake up… please! James, stop, James, stop doing this, please… don't do this… You have to wake up, you can't die… I need you, James. Lily needs you… don't go where I can't follow… don't be… dead. Please… don't…" His voice broke and he shook the body again. When the body refused to cooperate he threw it down and laid his head atop it sobbing. He wept brokenly, feeling his grief well around him. Even when he felt that he had finally touched the bottom of his well of grief, he found it was endless. He had been cast into nightmare… a dark void in which he could comprehend these cruel deaths…

He felt a large hand grip his shoulder and pull him off of James. "No!" he cried out, wildly bringing his arm out behind him at whoever had pulled him away. "I have to be here when he wakes up! I have to wake him up… I have to…" He broke off, the tears still running down his cheeks. James could not be dead—he could not die! Not after all those years of friendship… His body was taking in sharp, sudden gasps for air.

He looked up and saw Hagrid. The large man pulled him up and put his arm around him, pushing Sirius' face into his coat. Sirius didn't really care. He continued sobbing. This couldn't be happening. "He killed them," cried Sirius. "James and Lily, he killed them both. Oh, Merlin, _Harry_!" Sirius pulled away from Hagrid, running to Lily. She had seemed like she was shielding something… or someone. He looked behind her and what he saw caused him to sob with relief. Harry was alive! One piece of James and Lily remained. His godson.

Gently picking up the infant, Sirius clutched him tightly to his chest. "I'm not going to let anything happen to you, Harry. I promise."

Emerald eyes stared back at him with a comprehension that Sirius did not even ponder. All he knew was: he would protect Harry with his life. He turned suddenly as he heard loud footsteps. Hagrid appeared, tears upon his face. Sirius held Harry close. "He's alive," said Sirius, his voice thick with grief. Hagrid gave a watery smile as Harry stared at him. "I'm going to take care of you, Harry," murmured Sirius to the small child. Hagrid looked stricken.

"Sirius. I have ter take him ter Dumbledore."

Sirius' eyes widened. He had already lost James and Lily tonight, and now he was going to have to let go of Harry as well.

"They appointed me, Hagrid. I'm his godfather… there's papers… in case something happened… Give Harry to me, I'll take care of him." Now not only was his voice shaking, he was too. His hands were shaking like a leaf in a storm.

"I'm sorry, Sirius, I have orders from Dumbledore. I've got ter take him…"

Sirius stared out of pain-filled eyes, no longer a shining silver light, but a dull grey. He gazed into Harry's eyes. "I'm sorry, Harry," he whispered into his ear. "It looks like I've failed you again. Don't forget me. Please don't forget Uncle Paddy. I'll make it up to you someday, I promise." He closed his eyes briefly. "I'm not going to say good-bye, Harry. I'll see you again… I love you, dear child."

Sirius closed his eyes again and gently held Harry out to Hagrid, his hands still shaking. Hagrid took him just as carefully.

"Take my bike, Hagrid. I won't need it anymore."

Sirius did not wait for Hagrid to reply. He turned and knelt next to Lily, caressing her cheek. "I'm sorry, Lily. I tried, I really did…" He kissed her forehead, leaving tears on her face. He tore himself away, and moved to the next "room". He stared down into James' face. He repeated what he had said to Lily, adding, "We had great times together, didn't we, mate? Let the games begin, eh? But this time, it's no prank war. I'll kill him for what he's done. I won't fail you again. I already miss you, my brother. Good-bye, Prongs."

Sirius turned and did not look back.

_end flashback_

Sirius lowered his head and shook his body, though to no effect; the rain continued pouring. With Harry alive, he had a small glimmer of hope, after twelve years of despair, it was like heaven; seeing a small beacon of light at the end of his seemingly endless tunnel of desolation. The tears did not quell in the slightest, though the anguish seemed to disappear ever so slightly. Harry always did give him hope. He remembered the first time he had said his name…

_flashback_

Sirius flicked his wand and levitated Harry, zooming him around the room. Harry giggled happily, his arms outstretched. Sirius laughed, though his smile faltered as he saw blazing emerald eyes glaring at him. _Oops_, thought Sirius. _Busted!_ Lily caught Harry, all the while glaring daggers at Sirius. "How _dare_ you endanger Harry's life!" she snapped at him, not even bothering to care that he had been one of the most brilliant students at Hogwarts. She pulled out her own wand and jabbed it at Sirius. "Don't, you _ever_ do that again!"

Behind Lily, James stood, doubled over, shaking with silent laughter. He clutched at a stitch in his side. His efforts at keeping his laughter silent, lest he incur Lily's wrath upon himself, had forced himself to feel as though he had cracked a rib. Sirius glared at him, though at gazing upon Lily's face, his expression looked meek.

_Note to self,_ thought Sirius to himself, attempting to avoid Lily's eyes, _avoid zooming Harry around the room when Lily is present. Second note to self, kill James at next possible chance._ Lily suddenly stopped in mid-sentence as Harry gurgled happily at Sirius, with a startling resemblance to James that made him seem as though he, too, was laughing at Sirius' misfortune.

"Paddy!" giggled Harry, pointing haphazardly at the Animagus, nearly jabbing Lily in the head. For a moment, Lily looked as though she was going to return to her lecture, then she slowly turned her head back to Harry. "What did you say?" said Lily, shock in her eyes.

"Paddy!" said Harry again, giggling and pointing at Sirius, his tufts of jet black hair flopped back and forth as he giggled hysterically, looking a little too much like James for Sirius' comfort. However, Sirius could not help but grin just as happily as Harry. James had stopped laughing behind Lily, and instead was staring in shock at his son.

Lily let out a little squeal and began dancing around with Harry. "You just spoke! You just spoke!" she said to Harry, her own face lit with joy. She and James did a little dance together with Harry. Then, as though it had all been prepared and practiced, they both stopped and turned to Sirius, a look of comprehension in their eyes. Harry giggled hysterically again and stared pointedly at Sirius, saying "Paddy" again as though to make it worse for the dark haired man. _Yep,_ thought Sirius, _definitely too much like James. Already he finds it amusing when I get in trouble… Sweet Merlin, I'm dead._

"That was his first word," said James casually to his friend.

"I know it," acknowledged Sirius, restraining himself from turning tail and running. If anyone could scare him, it was Lily, and with her doubled up with James, he was dead.

"Paddy," said Lily. "Why does that sound so familiar… Oh, I know why; because it's his sanity-challenged godfathers' name. Now I wonder why our child's first word would be _Paddy_, of anything it could be…"

"Er…" said Sirius, backing up. Had he really failed to mention what Uncle Paddy and Harry did during large amounts of their "quality time?" Silly him. "Clever kid," he said, laughing nervously.

Harry just giggled, his green eyes sparkling with joy.

_End flashback_

Sirius could not help but smile shakily at the memory; it seemed so long ago… It _was_ so long ago. The tears which fell now fell for Harry. He _would_ save Harry; he would not fail him again.

The rain still had not slowed in the slightest; it continued pouring, and though it had first been in droplets, it fell harder now, frozen tears from the skies above. _God, Brahman, Allah, Buddha, Merlin… _thought Sirius, _if any of you are listening,_ _please let Harry be all right._ Getting out from under the bench, the great black dog padded softly to the bushes across from what he thought he recognized as Petunia's house.

Perfectly trimmed bushes, prim flowerbeds, everything neat… It was exactly as Lily had described it fifteen years ago. He could still see Lily's vibrant face, beautiful and young with her emerald eyes sparkling and her fiery red hair falling past her shoulders. When they were _all_ young and life was just a game to them. He remembered even now his last words to James as he stared into his brother's unseeing eyes. _Let the games begin…_

This time if he got caught, he wouldn't have house points taken off or be sent to a detention—this time if he was caught, it meant death. Death did not frighten Sirius Black in the slightest. What Sirius _was_ afraid of was failure. He could not fail this time!

Sirius Black, "murderer" and "betrayer" collapsed beside the bush, whining softly. He raised his head to the tip of the bright June moon, barely showing through a slight hole in the clouds above.

Death was no great price to pay for his brother; and it was a price he was willing and knew he would pay. Like a curtain falls at the end of a play, Sirius knew so would his play end. With the last veil, there would be no last curtain call.

Sirius shook out his long, shaggy coat; and still the rain fell.


End file.
